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[22 Aug 2005|07:30pm]
fevers are cool sometimes. it's like an internal heating blanket.
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[11 Aug 2005|11:18pm]
I was just thinking about McLean hospital. Its presence is so far back in my mind today that it seems distant and figmental. Sweet depersonalization, you always save me. And I loathe you more than anything.

Off to school in a week or two.
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[14 Apr 2005|09:21pm]
Love is indeed sweet.

the band, that is.

also, Bookends has lulled me to sleep many a night.
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is that your glass heart clinking? [09 Apr 2005|09:36pm]
no, it's mine.
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I Know [14 Feb 2005|07:24pm]
this time I'm eating jelly beans which are of colors white, red and darker red. and this time there is cathartic music in the background.
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and it's time time time [31 Jan 2005|10:21pm]
I'm compulsively eating almonds. and I'm not sure why I feel the compulsion to post. quite a lot has occurred since my last encounter with this journal. and it's been good.
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[17 May 2004|05:28pm]
Throughout the day I have been trying to visualize and construct what I would first write. All of those collective thoughts and energy sadly came together in the previous sentence. Well, we shall start with how I've come to writing in this journal. I was led to sign up under duress - by a wonderful girl. After trying near every name imaginable, including several Xiu Xiu songs, the server (apparently a nazi commandant as well) allowed me to have a song from Hood's amazing "Cold House." I'll most likely use this to write and recieve notes and such, but maybe you'll be lucky enough to see me transcend this foggy mind and write. I think there's a kink somewhere in me when it comes to expression. There are plenty of thoughts and emotions synapsing wildly inside my head, but at some point during the translation from brain to mouth it all falls apart. So I've found it much easier to express emotion vicariously - whether it be through music, film, books or hearing stories in conversation.

I wish I was six years old again. Don't you? There's a quote from a film, though I can't remember the name.

"Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occured to you that you don't go on forever. It must have been shattering, stamped into one's memory. And yet, I can't remember it."

Naïvete. We need this, it's what keeps us going by helping us find pleasure in our lives. I remember when I never questioned anything - I always knew somehow that there was a purpose and meaning to attend baseball practice and play with my friends. Even though my mind was gelatinous, my life was more concrete than it ever will be again.
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